Why Not?

   It’s about time i got back into this writing business again. I’ve been out of the game for quite a while now but I’ve and an itch to get started again. I don’t know why but i have such a difficult time translating my thoughts into words, but I absolutely love to express myself through writing. I have time and tools to put my mind on the paper which is much like a stress reliever for me. Since I don’t argue, yell, scream or fight this is my realm, my sanctuary to relieve the pain and stresses of everyday life. I actually prefer this method of relief, although it can be frustrating at times. (i know i almost contradict myself, but hear me out). When I’m put on the spot or try to intelligently express how I feel or what I’m thinking I freeze or make myself look like an idiot. By writing I get self satisfaction by being able to accurately express myself and not having to worry about what or why I might say. I don’t need to write for other people, or even let other people read my thoughts and feelings. This is my safe haven and, although odd, i really couldn't ask for a better method to blow off some steam or get something off my mind. This is what I do and I don’t care what people have to say about it.

The Closer

     Alright, so here i am with only a day and a half left of the semester. things have went fairly well over the past few months, a lot better than i expected actually. i had no idea what kind of student i would be this time around. i know when i was in high school i was a perfect example of what a student shouldn't be. now the tables have turned, I'm actually doing really well in all of my classes and as long as I'm consistent on all of my finals i should be pulling very close to a 3.8 GPA. pretty exciting if you ask me. 
     after seeing how well I've been doing in college i decided to step it up a bit for next semester. taking more and harder classes. it should be fun though, I'm looking forward to it but at the same time i can't wait till its over. i think i lucked out this time as far as professors go because i like each and everyone of mine. i have had no problems getting along with any of them. but like i said I'm pretty sure it was just luck, i picked all my teachers randomly at the last minute. 
     one major piece of advice that i actually took into consideration is that, the school you go to shouldn't be strictly based on where you live, make the effort to travel to go to the school of your choice. in saying that i can tell you that i travel about 1 1/2 hours to and from school twice a week. this is the school i wanted and this is the school i went after. 
     well in closing i would just like to say that this year has been a pleasure and i really look forward to next year and the surprises it brings. 

sometimes i miss...

     sometimes i really miss the east coast. i miss my friend and family. i know i'm living a better life out here in cali but i can't help but miss all the amazing people that made me who i am today. i've had a good run at life, i was given the chance to see the good, the bad, and the ugly over the past few years. i just can't seem to get over how much i miss the old days when it didn't matter what i did all night or when i had to wake up. i didn't have to worry about where i would sleep at night or how i would get food on the table. back when i could live easily making 400 bucks a week. those were the days! no one ot please and no one to disappoint. sometimes i say to myself, "how bad would it be to go back to that lifestyle." just then i remember that everything i did over the past 4 years was to make it so i didn't have to go back to that life. times can get hard out here on my own but i always look at the future and where i want to be in a few years. there is no way i could reach my goals back in Baltimore. life is bliss for me in california and when i hear people complain about how hard they have it i want to give them a swift kick to the face to let them know that things could always be worse. i wish they could spend 1 day in my shoes 5 years ago to see how much the actually have. thats all i have to say about that...

        Some things I don't understand, Such as life in general. I see the existence of all living creatures on this beautiful planet and think to myself, "Why is everyone so dispirited when life is the ultimate key to everything that is and ever will be?" Its because shallow, uncultivated pricks believe that life is just a subdivision of reality. But that is not the case what so ever. Yeah, I mean you can interpret life very generally as the time between birth and death. Does that make sense? Yes in every way, shape, and form.
       Everything that goes on from the time your conceived until the day you pass away is extremely important, Not only to you as an individual, but it effects future and past generations also. Everyone takes like for granite, until someone takes it from you. Its not exactly something you can get back.
        You will find life to be anything from perfect to a disaster. But its all in what you make of it. Every person on this planet has an equal opportunity to make life what they want. Its all about how far your willing to push yourself to reach your goals.
     The way people interpret life means a lot to me personally. I, myself, do everything possible to get the most out of the short life we are given. Life is one of those "once in a lifetime experiences" no one should turn their back on experiences in life, although some are incredibly difficult they should not put a stop to the pursuit of happiness. 
        I'm just very articulate when it comes to the one thing you only have one chance to do your best at. And people walk all over it stomping on unseen adventures which should have played an immeasurable part during your existence. Once again I'm babbling on about things that no one really cares about. Oh well, It is what it is. 

One of Those Days.....

            Today is just one of those days. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would feel remorse for taking my dog to get neutered but, to my surprise, it made me feel like crap. I contemplated not getting it done for the past 4 months but after seeing how annoying an unneutered dog can be my argument quickly swayed to one side. I keep telling myself that it’s something that needs to be done and it will be such a huge benefit in the long run, yet, I can’t bring myself to accept the fact that I’m taking my dogs dominance and manhood away from him. It’s a pretty crappy situation considering the fact that he hasn’t even had the chance to use them yet. People constantly tell me that since he hasn’t used them then he won’t miss them. Quite honestly, I find that hard to believe.

            I just dropped him off at the animal hospital and he seems so calm and depressed. It was almost as if he was trying to communicate, tell me that he would never pick up annoying habits if we just turn around and walk out. The only thing I can hope for is that is experience changes him for the better and the other way around.

            I have to go pick him up in 7 hours. He’s going to be woozy and disoriented, he has no idea what they are about to do to him. I can only hope that everything goes as planned today and he comes out of this a better dog. Poor Recon, not even a year old and losing his family jewels. He is strong and I know he will pull through with no problems but I still worry about him holding a grudge against me for doing this to him.  

I Can't Do My Job Unless You Do Yours

            Alright, so here I am, sitting in an empty hallway with 6 hours of nothingness ahead of me. Today must be some sort of secrete professor holiday or something because 2/3 of my classes are canceled. Normally this would be a good thing but when I don’t know about it until I get here it pisses me off. All of my proffers have access to every email address for everyone in their classes. Therefore, I mass email to everyone is only a click away. Simple and very obvious logic I think. But did anyone get an email? Nope! It would have been really nice to sleep in today and enjoy the fact that a couple classes are canceled rather than sit on the hard ass floor of this empty hallway for the next 6 hours!

            I always try to look at the positive side of things. Alright, so here I am, a ton of extra time, I’m going to knock out some of next week’s homework, get ahead of the game a little bit. Not a big deal, maybe do some reading and some research, take some notes. This might turn out to be pretty helpful come next week.

            Even though I’m optimistic about situations like this, I’m going to have to voice my opinion to my professors next Tuesday. This is not right, I’m here trying to do the right thing, be early, get things done and stay on schedule. By a professor missing a day or two that means the rest of the class will need to cram 2 days of material into one class period. That leaves no time to discuss or clarify anything. It makes it hard to succeed when your professors are setting you up for failure. And this isn’t the first time these professors have done this, no no no, this is # 3 for my reading class and # 2 for my math class in a short 11 weeks. They need to buckle down and do their job, setting a bad example is a horrible value to instill when molding todays youth. I understand things “come up” sometimes, it happens to all of us, but things shouldn’t “come up” this often and disrupt your professional life. That’s all I’ve got…..

What really is reality? Its a delusionary mental status caused by a pronounced deficiency of alcohol in the bloodstream. Well at least that's how i imagine it. Life is extremely simple. As I'm sure you have all heard of the circle of life, but i have a break down of how the circle of life really works. Life has a few successes that you try to accomplish by a certain age. Here is how it goes.

At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12, success is...having friends.

At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.

At age 20, success is...having sex.

At age 35, success is...having money.

At age 50, success is...having money.

At age 60, success is...having sex.

At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is...having friends.

At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.

  Now as you see everything comes back around, so when you are on your death bed you share common goals with a new born. you may think that is a terrible way to think of life in general but who really cares what you think?..
  You can live your life as a great American hero like Chuck Norris or Forrest Gump, or live as a homeless crack feign on the street corner begging for change.  Either way you are still living in a brutal world that will never accept you. That's just how this devastating society operates. You can't win of you don't lose, and you can't lose if you don't try.
  So here is what i say, SCREW THE WORLD! Live for yourself, don't try to please others until you are completely satisfied yourself. Is that a bad way to look at things? Is that how life should be lived? Hell yeah! If you spend your whole life trying to make everyone else love the life they fucked up, your going to die pissed off. Never accomplishing the goals you had set for yourself.
  Am i selfish? Yeah. I would be content with the life I'm living before trying to waste my life on someone else. And as i have said in all of my other blogs, keep hating on me, tell me how much you hate me and my beliefs. I won't get pissed off. I will move on to fine bigger and better haters. No matter how much you try to put me down, my life will still be awesome and i will be living it to the fullest.
  So i will sign off with this, get as much out of life as you can while your still able to do so. Never regret the things you have done, regret what you didn't do when you had the chance.