The Closer

     Alright, so here i am with only a day and a half left of the semester. things have went fairly well over the past few months, a lot better than i expected actually. i had no idea what kind of student i would be this time around. i know when i was in high school i was a perfect example of what a student shouldn't be. now the tables have turned, I'm actually doing really well in all of my classes and as long as I'm consistent on all of my finals i should be pulling very close to a 3.8 GPA. pretty exciting if you ask me. 
     after seeing how well I've been doing in college i decided to step it up a bit for next semester. taking more and harder classes. it should be fun though, I'm looking forward to it but at the same time i can't wait till its over. i think i lucked out this time as far as professors go because i like each and everyone of mine. i have had no problems getting along with any of them. but like i said I'm pretty sure it was just luck, i picked all my teachers randomly at the last minute. 
     one major piece of advice that i actually took into consideration is that, the school you go to shouldn't be strictly based on where you live, make the effort to travel to go to the school of your choice. in saying that i can tell you that i travel about 1 1/2 hours to and from school twice a week. this is the school i wanted and this is the school i went after. 
     well in closing i would just like to say that this year has been a pleasure and i really look forward to next year and the surprises it brings. 

sometimes i miss...

     sometimes i really miss the east coast. i miss my friend and family. i know i'm living a better life out here in cali but i can't help but miss all the amazing people that made me who i am today. i've had a good run at life, i was given the chance to see the good, the bad, and the ugly over the past few years. i just can't seem to get over how much i miss the old days when it didn't matter what i did all night or when i had to wake up. i didn't have to worry about where i would sleep at night or how i would get food on the table. back when i could live easily making 400 bucks a week. those were the days! no one ot please and no one to disappoint. sometimes i say to myself, "how bad would it be to go back to that lifestyle." just then i remember that everything i did over the past 4 years was to make it so i didn't have to go back to that life. times can get hard out here on my own but i always look at the future and where i want to be in a few years. there is no way i could reach my goals back in Baltimore. life is bliss for me in california and when i hear people complain about how hard they have it i want to give them a swift kick to the face to let them know that things could always be worse. i wish they could spend 1 day in my shoes 5 years ago to see how much the actually have. thats all i have to say about that...

        Some things I don't understand, Such as life in general. I see the existence of all living creatures on this beautiful planet and think to myself, "Why is everyone so dispirited when life is the ultimate key to everything that is and ever will be?" Its because shallow, uncultivated pricks believe that life is just a subdivision of reality. But that is not the case what so ever. Yeah, I mean you can interpret life very generally as the time between birth and death. Does that make sense? Yes in every way, shape, and form.
       Everything that goes on from the time your conceived until the day you pass away is extremely important, Not only to you as an individual, but it effects future and past generations also. Everyone takes like for granite, until someone takes it from you. Its not exactly something you can get back.
        You will find life to be anything from perfect to a disaster. But its all in what you make of it. Every person on this planet has an equal opportunity to make life what they want. Its all about how far your willing to push yourself to reach your goals.
     The way people interpret life means a lot to me personally. I, myself, do everything possible to get the most out of the short life we are given. Life is one of those "once in a lifetime experiences" no one should turn their back on experiences in life, although some are incredibly difficult they should not put a stop to the pursuit of happiness. 
        I'm just very articulate when it comes to the one thing you only have one chance to do your best at. And people walk all over it stomping on unseen adventures which should have played an immeasurable part during your existence. Once again I'm babbling on about things that no one really cares about. Oh well, It is what it is. 

One of Those Days.....

            Today is just one of those days. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would feel remorse for taking my dog to get neutered but, to my surprise, it made me feel like crap. I contemplated not getting it done for the past 4 months but after seeing how annoying an unneutered dog can be my argument quickly swayed to one side. I keep telling myself that it’s something that needs to be done and it will be such a huge benefit in the long run, yet, I can’t bring myself to accept the fact that I’m taking my dogs dominance and manhood away from him. It’s a pretty crappy situation considering the fact that he hasn’t even had the chance to use them yet. People constantly tell me that since he hasn’t used them then he won’t miss them. Quite honestly, I find that hard to believe.

            I just dropped him off at the animal hospital and he seems so calm and depressed. It was almost as if he was trying to communicate, tell me that he would never pick up annoying habits if we just turn around and walk out. The only thing I can hope for is that is experience changes him for the better and the other way around.

            I have to go pick him up in 7 hours. He’s going to be woozy and disoriented, he has no idea what they are about to do to him. I can only hope that everything goes as planned today and he comes out of this a better dog. Poor Recon, not even a year old and losing his family jewels. He is strong and I know he will pull through with no problems but I still worry about him holding a grudge against me for doing this to him.  

I Can't Do My Job Unless You Do Yours

            Alright, so here I am, sitting in an empty hallway with 6 hours of nothingness ahead of me. Today must be some sort of secrete professor holiday or something because 2/3 of my classes are canceled. Normally this would be a good thing but when I don’t know about it until I get here it pisses me off. All of my proffers have access to every email address for everyone in their classes. Therefore, I mass email to everyone is only a click away. Simple and very obvious logic I think. But did anyone get an email? Nope! It would have been really nice to sleep in today and enjoy the fact that a couple classes are canceled rather than sit on the hard ass floor of this empty hallway for the next 6 hours!

            I always try to look at the positive side of things. Alright, so here I am, a ton of extra time, I’m going to knock out some of next week’s homework, get ahead of the game a little bit. Not a big deal, maybe do some reading and some research, take some notes. This might turn out to be pretty helpful come next week.

            Even though I’m optimistic about situations like this, I’m going to have to voice my opinion to my professors next Tuesday. This is not right, I’m here trying to do the right thing, be early, get things done and stay on schedule. By a professor missing a day or two that means the rest of the class will need to cram 2 days of material into one class period. That leaves no time to discuss or clarify anything. It makes it hard to succeed when your professors are setting you up for failure. And this isn’t the first time these professors have done this, no no no, this is # 3 for my reading class and # 2 for my math class in a short 11 weeks. They need to buckle down and do their job, setting a bad example is a horrible value to instill when molding todays youth. I understand things “come up” sometimes, it happens to all of us, but things shouldn’t “come up” this often and disrupt your professional life. That’s all I’ve got…..

What really is reality? Its a delusionary mental status caused by a pronounced deficiency of alcohol in the bloodstream. Well at least that's how i imagine it. Life is extremely simple. As I'm sure you have all heard of the circle of life, but i have a break down of how the circle of life really works. Life has a few successes that you try to accomplish by a certain age. Here is how it goes.

At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12, success is...having friends.

At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.

At age 20, success is...having sex.

At age 35, success is...having money.

At age 50, success is...having money.

At age 60, success is...having sex.

At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is...having friends.

At age 90, success is...not peeing in your pants.

  Now as you see everything comes back around, so when you are on your death bed you share common goals with a new born. you may think that is a terrible way to think of life in general but who really cares what you think?..
  You can live your life as a great American hero like Chuck Norris or Forrest Gump, or live as a homeless crack feign on the street corner begging for change.  Either way you are still living in a brutal world that will never accept you. That's just how this devastating society operates. You can't win of you don't lose, and you can't lose if you don't try.
  So here is what i say, SCREW THE WORLD! Live for yourself, don't try to please others until you are completely satisfied yourself. Is that a bad way to look at things? Is that how life should be lived? Hell yeah! If you spend your whole life trying to make everyone else love the life they fucked up, your going to die pissed off. Never accomplishing the goals you had set for yourself.
  Am i selfish? Yeah. I would be content with the life I'm living before trying to waste my life on someone else. And as i have said in all of my other blogs, keep hating on me, tell me how much you hate me and my beliefs. I won't get pissed off. I will move on to fine bigger and better haters. No matter how much you try to put me down, my life will still be awesome and i will be living it to the fullest.
  So i will sign off with this, get as much out of life as you can while your still able to do so. Never regret the things you have done, regret what you didn't do when you had the chance.

Larry LaPrise

   Larry LaPrise. A considerably distinguished fellow. He is not known for who he actually is, but for what he has done. This gentleman brought liveliness and alleviation to every man, woman and child born after 1945. In the late months of 1912 LaPrise was born in a small hospital in Detroit. Growing up he followed his dream of being a singer/ song writer and formed a group known as theRam Trio.  This was an extremely successful group until the early 1960's then the group fell apart.
     The most famous song from Mr. LaPrise is still a hit today. You will hear it at every birthday party, celebration, and dance for today's youth. This song is calledThe Hokey Pokey. 
    Larry had a wonderful life. After the ram trio broke up he began to work for the post office in Ketchum, Idaho. He made an honest living for the 83 years he was walking this Earth.
     In April of 1996 Larry LaPrise expired. It was just his time to go. He didn't pass away from anything except old age. He will be missed daily by those who know and remember his work.
   I don't usually pass on sad news like this, but sometimes we need to pause and remember what life is all about. 
     With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of this very important person which almost went unnoticed almost 13 years ago.
It was extremely difficult for the family to put him in the casket.
They put his right leg in and they pulled his right leg out . That's when all the trouble started!  hahaha!!!

Hesitation Interpretation

     The point of hesitation is to delay your decisions until the time is right. Its an extremely uncomplicated concept to grasp, most of the time. Often you will find yourself in a difficult position unsure of when the right time may actually be. Not knowing if you will every get another opportunity to overcome that particular affair.
     Always pay attention to details while you are in those situations. You never know when this occurrence may reappear. But when it does you will be better prepared to handle the situation. Never force anything to happen too quick, good things always come with time. Moving too fast may destroy a marvelous value of your personal happiness.
     Sometime we just have to refrain from doing what we think is right at the time. Holding back will only make your accomplishments feel so much better when they are completed. I have personally had some experience with hesitation recently. Not only did it leave my mind tied in knots, but it also gave me physical pain. And as we all know physical pain only lasts a short while and by refraining I hope to make my happiness expand to a state of complete satisfaction. Now I’m not going into details about my personal life but I just want you all to know that life is so awesome, and if someone can make you constantly smile and be blissful keep that person around. Life is way too short to be unhappy.

To Quit Or Not To Quit...

I’m kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place at this point in my life. I have a job that has been going really well for me since I got out of the army. When I started school I asked them if they could drop me down to part time so I can still make a little extra money. They agreed and everything this was working out as planned, school 2 days a week, work 2 days a week, and 3 day a week to study. Perfect right? Well it was for a few months, but now they expanded their hours and hired a lot of new people and they cut my hours even more. It’s not a huge problem but I’m going to be missing out on some money I was getting used to.

My work is 65miles from my house so making that drive isn’t worth working one day a week. I’m sure they would lay me off but they don’t want to pay me unemployment. I don’t know what I want to do about this, the money is nice but I don’t think it’s worth me wasting my weekend by going to work on Saturday.

By the end of this week I’m going to make a proposal to my employer. I’m going to suggest that I become the “go to guy”. Anyone they needs a day off or is planning a vacation can use me as a fill in. this way I don’t have to wasted all of me weekends, I can keep my job, and I can make some extra money every now and then. It’s not the best plan in the world but I think it will work just fine for now. I just hope my employer thinks it’s as good of an idea as I do. If everything takes a turn for the worse and I loose my job, at least I have my GI bill that still pays me. Ahh feels god to have a flawless plan. 

blogging about blogging... hmmmm..

     This is the way I blog… I’ve been blogging for a few years now via myspace and I love every minute of it. it’s a simple and some-what confidential way to express my thoughts and feelings without repercussion. After high school I had lost track of  the “proper” way to compose an intelligent piece of writing. Only recently have a realized that my blogging technique is/was completely improper. But isn’t that what blogging is known for? That’s what makes it so interesting and out of the norm, otherwise it would be called a personal essay or something boring like that. Those who are new to the blogging experience get pretty confused about the thought of having a “web log” to express themselves. A blog is just a 21st century journal or diary that can contain anything you want, personal or not, and can be written in any form you choose. After reading over my a couple dozen blogs that I composed over the past 2 or 3 years I realized that I am the man when it comes to using sentence fragments. Ha-ha, not the greatest thing to be good at but it just happens to be part of my blogging style. I write my thought as they pop into my brain, without proof reading or editing. I mean, really, how fun is expressing yourself through a personal web journal when you have to follow strict guidelines? Boooriiing! 

     I have better things to do then worry about the format, grammar and spelling in my personal internet blogging space. I would rather be spending time with the wifey, drinking a few beers, or playing with my puppies. Yes, I can compose a nearly flawless essay by a given date on a given subject, no problem, but my personal writing is exactly that, personal. Meaning that its mine, I can do whatever I want with it. Knowing that I will not be reamed for ending a sentence with a preposition, misplacing a comma or (as I know Ms. Murphree is always worries about) misspelling the word misspell. ;) ß and I can use a smiley symbol anywhere in my text that I want, even though I’ve recently saw it done in a college level English class. (not saying names but I‘m sure some of you know who I‘m talking about)

     This is me, and this is what I do to express my thoughts and feelings. Some punch holes in walls while others scream, yell and get violent. Me, on the other hand, I blog… I direct everything that I have bottled up inside of me to an unknown audience and they can put their 2 cents in if they would like to. I enjoy the criticism as well as the compliments from people who take time out of their busy lives to bask in the glory of my personal life. Blogging is just one of those small things in life that have no restrictions holding you back from any thoughts you might be having. So, after 9 hours of work, 2 ½ hours of driving and 3 hours of homework, this is how I decided to whined down for the evening. Well, its been real, and its been fun but apparently there is this little thing called “sleep” that is a requirement for motivation so I’m off to the lush pillow-top that awaits me..  J ß  another smiley just for good measure.

Recon

            Today my puppy turned 5 months old. He’s pretty awesome, a mix between a German shepherd and some kind of retriever. I have no idea how big he is going to get but when I got him at 8 weeks old he was tiny, weighing in at an astonishing 3.8 pound. That was then, now he is just over 35 pounds and still growing. He is on his third collar and is finally starting to look like a real dog instead of a puppy.

            I gave him the name Recon. The name had a personal meaning to me. While I was serving in the united states army my job was reconnaissance. A very proud and traditional job title, it’s very uncommon and difficult to accomplish. To me Recon isn’t only a shortened version of reconnaissance but it stands for strength, loyalty, and dedication. All the qualities I would want my dog to have.

            I also have another dog, she’s a little over 2 years old and like recon, she is a mutt, boxer lab mix. She’s a very cool dog and listens very well but because she was rescued from an abusive family she has some fears that will never go away. Her name is Kahlua and she loved to play the motherly role when Recon was a new member to the family. But now that recon is almost her size they do a lot more running and playing opposed to nurturing. These dogs get along sooo well its amazing, they never leave each others sides. They do everything together including eat, sleep and go for walks.

            I’m excited to see how big Recon will actually get but I’m going to enjoy his puppy stage as much as possible for the short amount of time is left. We will have years to enjoy each other when he is full grown so I have to take advantage of this short puppy stage. 

Another Day In The Life Of...

            Ever have one of those days when you wish you could switch places with someone? Yeah, I know you have, I personally had 4 of those days this past weekend. I was voluntold ( when someone eliminates the choice out of an option) that I would be doing a 4 day training weekend at god ol’ Ft. Irwin, CA. although this new blows, I have no one to blame but myself. After active duty in the Army I got out and a few short months later I reenlisted for the Army reserves (weekend warriors). Every 6 months we have to be up to date with our weapon qualification so we buss out to Ft. Irwin to spend 4 days in hell.

            Friday morning started off with a 3:30am wake up followed by a 45minute drive just to meet up with my unit before we left for Irwin. When I arrived we stood around for about 3 hours before drawing out personal and squad weapons. After another 2 hours of standing around we finally loaded up on the busses to begin our journey to hell. Now, I don’t know why it took this buss 4 hours to drive us 65 miles but it happened. We arrived at our destination at about1:30ish, dropped our personal belongings, geared up and headed out to our first range.

            First on the list was the M9 (9mm pistol) range. Not a bad range, easily able to knock it out in about 2 hours. No big deal right? Wrong! This group of incompetent individuals I was being forced to shoot with seems as if they had never seen a pistol in their lives! I was furious. After standing out at this range for a few hours in 110 degree weather I became very irritable. I finished what I had to do and walked off the range just to be put on a buss and shipped to another range! This time it was for the m249 SAW (if you don’t know what it is, google it.) this range however has always been one of my favorites. Since we didn’t need to qualify with this weapon system our main goal was just to blast off some rounds. There is no better feeling in life than unloading an unnecessary amount of bullets into a target. 900 rounds, 1800 links and a red-hot barrel later I was finished .

            The following 3 days were a bunch of bullshit! All we did was qualify with out M4’s. but even this simple task took a lot of people the rest of the weekend! Grrrr, steaming mad, I decided to let off some steam by consuming a few beers and a bottle of whiskey. Ahh, so refreshing. The following day was departure day, back to Moval, bright and early. But I felt like poo poo at 5am after only attempting to sleep off my drunkenness for 2 ½ hours. But all signs were a go once I got on that bus and had a long quiet buss ride.  

What would you do if you had nothing to do?

     Have you ever pondered about what you might be doing with your life if there were no consequences for living selfishly? If you could do anything you want and not have to worry about the important aspects of life. This topic came up for a very short period of time today in class, and after thinking about it for a few hours I really wanted to know how people would want to live their lives if they had nothing holding them back. The other aspect that came up today was that as you get a little older your interests start to become manipulated. I don’t know how true or false this is but I think it’s a very interesting theory. 
     Now, as I explained in class, I enjoy coming home after a hard day of work, sit on the couch, drink a few beers, and watch some television. But soon after I walked out of class I got to thinking about a few things and began to ask myself some questions. Would I enjoy this ice cold brewski if I didn’t have a long, hard day to feel like I deserve it? Would I really want to relax so much if that’s my only job in life? Would passing time become a task in its self? I really have no idea, I would love to think that I would need to be productive in some way to stay sane. 
    Switch gears for a minute, what if everything was reversed? What if after a long boring day of sitting at home and not doing anything you enjoy going in for a few hours of hard labor to make to feel like your worth something. I don’t exactly know if that would have the same daily vibe. (If anyone has any thoughts on this ley me know I’m becoming surprisingly interested  in this as I write.) 
     I wonder if other people would take all their free time and volunteer, do something that gives them a sense of pride and honor. Maybe some people would walk around local streets and parks picking up trash to preserve the life of the neighborhood that they want to raise their kids in. Others might possibly start to get a little crazy and try to save all the stray puppies in the world by hording them in their one bedroom apartment. I really have no idea what impulses people would get and when or how these impulses might change in the future. 
     I’m no scientist so I will not be doing an experiment to figure out how I would transform my life by dropping everything that I’m pretty sure keeps me trucking. In the mean time I think I’ll stick to my strict diet of hard work, long days, cold beer, and television.  Its been working for me so far and I think I’ll keep this routine until my interests start to shift. As long as I’m in good health and have my family and friends I know I will survive. Alright now, its midnight, I was at school from 9am-10pm had some thoughts to jot down, now its time for my beer and some tv.  

College Life Begins

      Being a city boy, born and raised in Baltimore, MD is perceived as a simple life style. My life, on the other hand, was nothing close to simple. College was not even an option in my life 6 years ago, in fact high school wasn’t much of an option after I became old enough to hold a full time job. When you live in a family that need your help to pay the bills and survive you need to make some decisions. High school was not my priority in 2005 (my “graduation” year) I was given the opportunity to work a full time job but this would mean I would have to relinquish my duty as a full time high school student. I jumped on this opportunity as soon as it arose, not thinking twice. It didn’t take me long to figure out that it was a horrible, senseless choice. 
     8 months after dropping out of high school I decided that my life was on a violent downward spiral. I felt as if I were out of options an had already used up all my life lines at the age of 18. I was terrified about the thought that the life I was living was all I had to look forward to for the rest of my life. I needed to make some changes and fast! Being out of options and running out of time I decided to look into the United Stated military. I figured, shoot, I have a clean record, good work ethic, great health, and not much to lose. 
     So there I was, 18 years old, sitting in front of a United States Army recruiter. Giving this stranger all of my life details and trying to figure out what the military is really all about. I was scared but after a few hours of talking he had already started to help me out with getting my life in order. He pulled some strings to get me into night school to finish getting my diploma at the cost of the Army. And since I dropped out only 2 months before graduation I only needed 2 classes to graduate! I was really excited and gave it my all. A few short months later I had finished school and was 1 month away from leaving my city, friends, and family for boot camp. 
     The first few months away from home were really tough. I had no clue how everyone was doing or if anything happened that I needed to know about but I was doing everything I could to be the best soldier I could be. But it didn’t take long until I could talk to my family and friends again and see that everything was alright. 

     Now I’m going to fast forward a few years to 2010. I have been out of the military for a few months now and decided its time to get something I’ve always wanted but have never  had the means to get. Something that will stay with me for the rest of my life and not only make me happy but make my family and friends proud of me. I had the desire to follow my dream of obtaining something no one in my family even thought about getting. I’m talking about a college degree. 
     After a few months of research and schedule juggling I worked out all of the kinks. I talked my job into promoting me to a higher position if I drop from a full time employee to part time. I also got everything I needed for my GI bill so I wouldn’t have to spend money I don’t have on school, which made everything so much easier. I have cleared my mind of all the negative thoughts I once had about the college life. I am 100 percent ready to start this new chapter in my life. This is going to be such an exciting experience and I can’t wait to get the pages turning! 
     Needless to say, my first day of school was yesterday and I really enjoyed it! All of my teachers are really down to earth and open minded. I look at this opportunity as a blessing, something that has taken so much work to get to and now its time to step up and conquer this chapter just as I have with all the previous chapters. This is very exciting for me and I can’t wait to see where this road leads me.  

Turbulent Times Turn Tranquil

   Not knowing how to deal with certain situations is one of the most difficult challenges I have ever been forced to overcome. Making decisions that are not only hard on me but also hurt the ones I care about. I’m always wondering if what I decide is the best decision. I’ve always been told to follow my dreams and my heart, but what if they’re going in different directions? Which one is more important? What if the right choice is the one that I decided not to take? Can I make up for it in the future? Will I have a chance to fix what I broke?

   
     Questions arise constantly forcing my mind to be stuck on a subject that could change the rest of my life. My life is very simple for the most part, no arguing, no fighting, no drama. I’m always positive and extremely optimistic. Grateful for the life I was given, and proud of the life I made for myself. I never know how things are going to turn out. If I did I’m sure I would be working side by side with Ms. Cleo. But I let life take its course dealing with it as the situation occurs. But in the back of my mind I wonder if it would be easier to deal with If I were to prepare for these events before hand.

   
      “Only time will tell.” A famous quote that everyone has heard at some point in their life. So far time has told me that I can get through, conquer, and excel over any obstacle life can throw at me. Sometimes I look forward to what I might be faced with in the future. Good or bad, I learn all I can and move on. But sometimes I’m faced with challenges that I don’t know how to deal with. Some things can break the strongest people down to a mind state they have never explored. This is possibly one of the hardest moments in life.

   
     Why does life have to take unexpected turns at the most random times? Why are some things so difficult to figure out? Some things Google can’t even answer. Only way to learn is to experience it first hand. There are always helpful people to help talk you through your tough times, sharing wisdom and knowledge that only comes from their personal experience.

   
     But when you can make the best of a life experience, it makes you feel extraordinary! Nothing feels better, knowing even through the tough times people will stay by your side. They will give you the confidence and desire to continue to make the most out of life. And I know, in  my past, I have said they it doesn’t matter what other people think, or feel. But after being put in the position, I can honestly say, peoples opinions do matter. The people that care the most will give you advice to assist you in the next chapter of your life.

   
     So just because you are having a tough day, week, month… keep your head up. Learn from what is happening, make improvements, and look forward to your next challenge.